Month: August 2026

living on the outside

Gratitude…

(without an iPhone means I can’t send this to AJ unless I leave it here then send a smoke signal (ok, being dramatic, an email will work)

Got all my fingers and thumbs.

Guitar.

Turned off the iPhone after it freaked out. It took a while for it to come back to life but at least it did. Saved me a ton of money.

Hole In My Pocket

So why don’t you…

Show me ways to save my soul

Show me ways to save my soul

I got a hole in my pocket

Where it all slips away

How I Really Feel

Like I was once in a pocket but the fuckin thing had a big hole in it…

Miss ya more CT

It’s so outta control. I started reading The Nerd Reich by Gil Durán this week and while I already know a ton of the tech bro fascism I now know way more and I’m sure it’s why I’ve been feeling so flattened-by-a-truck.

It’s just so so so fucking bad. BUT. I’m grateful to have this spot cuz when I really feel like i might step off the deep end of whatever, I can tell you (sorry, I’m from ’68, is this trauma dumping? Am I just being THAT lady?!)

I noticed today that the hydrangeas are a disaster from neglect. I’ve been too afraid of hurting them. So I haven’t done anything to them. Some still bloom anyway.

Lesson: put that book down, step away from the scroll, sit outside even if it’s raining. Cut a hydrangea bloom or two. It’s ok to wander in the rain.

No matter what

No matter what I do it’s always lame and unimportant.

No matter what I think it’s never original and therefore not worth writing or speaking about.

No matter what I say it’s never delivered in a way that makes sense.

Comparison? Yep. High expectations? Yeah. Definitely. Unrealistic ideas? No doubt. It’s all a lie. My life feels pointless. And many others have felt the same way so I’m not gonna equivocate. I’m not the first human on this precious planet of ours.

Books

Bored? Read a book. Or many books.

Work is so slow. (How slow is it?) It’s so fucking slow that all I do lately is fill the time with movies, TV series, YouTube and, reading. Lots of reading. Last week I finished one memoir, read another memoir and, started another – you guessed it – memoir.

Here’s a list from the last eight months:

  1. You With The Sad Eyes, Christina Applegate
  2. Body Leaping Backward: Memoir of a Delinquent Girlhood, Maureen Stanton
  3. Coming Up Short, Robert Reich
  4. Careless People, Sarah Wynn-Williams
  5. Nobody’s Girl, Virginia Roberts Giuffre
  6. Unemployable: The Psychological Toll of Proving Your Worth, Leslie Barber
  7. Don’t Believe Everything You Think, Joseph Ngyuen
  8. Shrill, Lindy West
  9. How To Stand Up To A Dictator, Maria Ressa
  10. Conversion Therapy Dropout, Timothy Schraeder
  11. We Burned So Bright, TJ Klune
  12. In Pieces, Sally Field
  13. Big Dumb Eyes, Nate Bargatze
  14. Not My Type, E. Jean Carroll
  15. Dirtbag Queen, Andy Cohen
  16. Into The Woodchipper, Nicholas Enrich
  17. How To Lose Your Mother, Molly Jong-Fast
  18. Dirtbag Billionaire, David Gelles
  19. The Source, James A Michener
  20. Look For Me There, Luke Russert
  21. Rehab, Shoshana Walter
  22. Say Everything, Ione Skye
  23. Waiting For The Moon, Peter Wolf
  24. Blood In The Machine, Brian Merchant
  25. We Are The Leaders We’ve Been Looking For, Eddie S. Glaude Jr.
  26. Prequel, Rachel Maddow
  27. Playing With Fire, Lawrence O’Donnell
  28. Brothers, Alex Van Halen
  29. Starry Messenger, Neil deGrasse Tyson
  30. Lessons In Chemistry, Bonnie Garmus
  31. From Under The Truck, Josh Brolin
  32. The Woman In Me, Britney Spears

Burn it up

How much horrible shit can I possibly tell myself? I’ll find out soon. Just one page burned yesterday. (Sorry for adding to the pollution.)

The ‘cover’ of my book where all the mean shit I say to myself goes to be burned up and set free.

I’m having pain

BECAUSE YOU WON’T STOP SAYING ‘PAIN POINT’!

What a bullshit euphemism: ‘pain point’. The softening of truth is hard for me to understand. Why can’t we call something what it is? When something is hard we say it’s a challenge. When software is hard to use someone started saying there were ‘pain points’. I’m having a huge pain point because of laziness. This is just lazy and pathetic. Oh. Sorry. It’s giving me a little pain and I’m having a challenging time reading it. How’s that?

Why is it so hard challenging to keep words together?

This is a company that makes millions and they can’t make a word show up on one line, with all its letters, all together.